Erap Jokes

Erap:nagdilim ang paningin


Body Guard: Doc, Doc si boss Erap nagdidilim raw ang paningin.
Doc: Ihiga ninyo at titingnan ko.
Erap: Doc, anong nangyayari sa akin ?
Doc: Boss, eexaminin kita.
Let me check your blood pressure, Okay naman
Let me check your pulse, Okay naman.
Let me check your heart, Okay naman.
Let me check your eyes, inalis ang sunglasses.
Erap:(napasigaw pa) Doc, ang galing mo talaga. inalis mo lang yung sunglasses ko, nagliwanag na yung paningin ko. 


SIGURISTA


While typing Erap's speech, Erap's secretary paused awhile and asked Erap.
Secretary: Sir, dalawa nga ba ang -o- sa unahan ng cooperation?
Erap: Dagdagan mo pa nang isa para sigurado.

TAXI

Pumara si Erap ng taxi..
Erap: Magkano papuntang Makati?
Taxi: Ikaw lang ho mag-isa?
Erap: Bakit, hindi ka ba sasama?




Groceries
ERAP and his mother returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries.
ERAP opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.
"What are you doing?" his mother asked.
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," ERAP explained.
"I'm looking for the seal."

Trip to US

ERAP, on his way to the US, decided to stop by the vendo machine by the airport lounge. He drops a few coins and out comes a can of coke. "Okey ito ha!" He drops a few more coins and out comes a candy bar "Ba, ayos ah!" His aide comes over to him and says, "Sir, boarding time na ho sa eroplano!"
ERAP: "WAG KANG MAGULO! HINDI MO BANG NAKIKITA NA NANANALO PA AKO!!!
BWISHEEEET!!!"
Finally, he boards the plane with a bag full of coke and chocolate bags. He goes directly into first class. The stewardess (pinay) was alarmed and tells the Purser, "Sir, the Vice President ERAP is seated in first class. His ticket is only business. What shall we do?" The purser takes a minute and says, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it". The purser approaches ERAP who is fidgeting with his seatbelts.
PURSER: "Good morning sir....saan kayo papunta???
ERAP: "Sa America...bakit?
PURSER: "Naku sir, sa likod nalang ho kayo umupo at doon ang papunta sa America...dito sa harap ang papuntang JAPAN!!"
ERAP: "Ah ganoon ba...buti sinabi mo...sige, lilipat na ako!"